Posts tagged "terrible"

Bitcoin community spotlight: Logansryche

Few Bitcoin stories are as enduring and as entertaining as that of perpetual loser Logansryche, one of the least successful bitcoiners out there. From failed virtual businesses to failed real businesses to failed business ideas, he embodies the true spirit of Bitcoin.

He was well known for being one of the “best” ideas guys out there, starting with his past business experience: a now defunct Second Life animal shelter. He would take in abandoned virtual pets, virtually feed them, and find them new virtual homes with virtual owners. This ended predictably, with all the fake animals starving to death in Videoland. This somehow qualified him to run more advanced and profitable businesses, such as BitCard, his online gift card store, but with Bitcoin! BitCard, originally hosted on some shady free webhost, was to supply not only a wide array of retail gift cards, but collectible trading cards as well, such as rare (not actually rare) Pokémon cards, baseball cards, and of course, Magic: the Gathering cards.

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Posted by killhamster - April 23, 2014 at 11:48 am

Categories: Buttcoin, Captains of Industry, Editorial   Tags: , , , , , ,

Bitcoin: the Musical

Some time ago we posted a collection of songs about Bitcoin, and they were all terrible. Thankfully, due to files being deleted and some sort of plugin misconfiguration, they’re no longer available. Unfortunately, SA Forums goon Paladinus dug up a bunch more for you to suffer through:

And then there’s this, which may or may not be from infamous burnout levitating rock festival planner dank:


2 comments - What do you think?
Posted by killhamster - April 15, 2014 at 11:01 am

Categories: Buttcoin, Crime   Tags: , , , , ,

Bitcoin Mining Rigs 4: The Return of 5870

I’ve ventured back in time for some of these computing horrors, but don’t fret; altcoin mining still provides us with new fire hazards and high power bills!


7 comments - What do you think?
Posted by killhamster - April 7, 2014 at 11:16 am

Categories: Buttcoin, Featured, Rigs   Tags: , , , , ,

Bitcoin: Women and Children Last

If you’re not yet familiar with Bitcoin, then you probably have more normal friends than those of the “techie” variety or have managed to avoid people in libertarian-leaning circles. Bitcoin is a digital “cryptocurrency,” a sort of online cash that is generated via a network of computers crunching numbers to solve a mathematical puzzle, so to speak. The technical aspects can be quite difficult to explain and comprehend, especially to those who wouldn’t consider themselves computer literate or those who simply cannot be bothered to care.

It was created in 2009 by a person or persons going by the pseudonym “Satoshi Nakamoto” as an experimental proof of concept in building a trustless payment system for the “dangerously antisocial.” Banks and other traditional financial institutions are eschewed in favor of a point-to-point network that shares a public ledger of every transaction made throughout the system, the “blockchain,” which users must download (and upload) in order to participate in the network. There are some exceptions to this, but for the time being, we won’t be focusing on them.


One of the few things available for purchase with Bitcoin

The experiment went largely unnoticed at its beginning and was mostly the domain of cryptographers and other such geeks until mid-2010, when tech media attention increased and brought in a wave of new users. At this point people began to assign value to the Bitcoin, and Bitcoin exchanges began to spring up, allowing users to trade them for other currencies, most frequently the US dollar. As it gained popularity, it began to attract a different crowd of users, those who are ideologically opposed to governmental regulation and central banking, often identifying as libertarians or worse, anarcho-capitalists.

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Posted by killhamster - March 3, 2014 at 6:00 am

Categories: Buttcoin, Editorial, Featured   Tags: , , , , ,

“Bitcoin Jesus” asserts that food and water have no value

Please, Bitcoin Jesus, take a moment to inform Darfur War Orphans that water, food, and even air are worthless to you and that they should be eating Bitcoins instead.

17 comments - What do you think?
Posted by killhamster - February 19, 2014 at 10:16 am

Categories: Buttcoin, Captains of Industry   Tags: , , , , ,

Long Live Cryptic Urgencies

Apple Computer, in a stroke of genius trolling, has banned the final Bitcoin wallet app that had managed to sneak past their restrictions on in-app payments. Apple banning such apps is nothing new, but for some reason bitcoiners have become furious, their ineffectual nerd rage manifesting itself in the Bitcoin equivalent of a record- or book-burning:

24 comments - What do you think?
Posted by killhamster - February 6, 2014 at 10:00 am

Categories: Buttcoin, Captains of Industry, Reddit   Tags: , , , , , ,

Bitcoin Mining Rigs 3: Mine Hard With a Vengeance

With the rise of ASIC mining, we’ve been deprived lately of hilariously awful mining rigs. Thanks to Litecoin, Dogecoin, other altcoins, and SA Forums poster surebet, we can still revel in PC builders’ schadenfreude today!

5 comments - What do you think?
Posted by killhamster - January 31, 2014 at 12:38 pm

Categories: Buttcoin, Rigs   Tags: , , , , , ,

Bitcoin is the punchline

I’ve often posited that bitcoiners are a largely humorless bunch, and with good reason. Any joke, be it Dogecoin, Coinye, our beloved Cosbycoin, or something else, is seen as an affront to their super-serious world-changing digital revolution. There is no place for humor in our free market new world order.

Despite this, they try, and their efforts could be considered… aggressively unfunny. Since we’re a website ostensibly focused on humor, let’s have a look. First up are “jokes” from a long-running thread at Bitcointalk:


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Posted by killhamster - January 7, 2014 at 2:09 pm

Categories: Buttcoin, Editorial   Tags: , , , , ,

Easy Come, Easy Go

Let’s start the new year off right: with bitcoins! When last we heard from our long-suffering friends, they were waiting for CaVirtEx to complete a transfer to a bank account.

So more stuff on trying to cash out of bitcoins and how “simple” it is.

Virtex responded to my friends ticket, and said yesterday said that the transfer that was fucking requested on the 18th, was cleared. However today my friend’s bank has not received a anything. So he calls them and apparently they can’t deal with this over the phone and will only help him if he puts in a ticket. Even though he pointed out that it takes them a week to respond to tickets.

Also my friend decided to try and just sell 2 of his bitcoins on localbitcoins through their online escrow because apparently people keep telling him e-transfers are safe, because interac e-transfers cannot be reversed! So perfectly safe! Yesterday he accepted an e-transfer and was able to add the money to his account and release the escrow.

Then this morning apparently he was notified by his bank that his account and all associated cards are frozen, and he must come into his local branch and speak to someone. They apparently wouldn’t explain why over the phone. Apparently the person he spoke to had some idea of what bitcoins were (negativeman-55f), and after explaining how he sold them. The guy apparently explained that:

- Selling stuff online and using e-transfer for payment apparently violates some part of interac’s terms of service.
- The e-transfer he accepted was fraudulent so it was reversed (i thought it wasn’t reversible!)
- His account is to be unfrozen but he is permanently banned from ever using e-transfers again

It is funny because all the “low” risk methods of selling on localbitcoins, are terrible that nobody really uses. I love how many people messaged me about how safe localbitcoins are.

Nobody here is shocked in the least. More about the local bitcoin sales and the trustworthy individuals involved with them:

Pretty much all the methods of payment on localbitcoins are ether unsafe, or terrible from what i can tell. The two exceptions are cash (we know how well that worked out), or a cash deposit (pretty massive pain in the ass), which both are pretty inconvient.

However localbitcoins lists some other payment methods, and ranks them on “low”, “medium”, or “high” risk. The low risk includes well known and “trustworthy” payment services like EGOPay, OkPay, and Perfect Money. Ironically there is also Western Union, a service which bitcoiners declared bitcoin will kill off. The funny part is, nobody uses the low risk payment methods really, because they are all a massive pain in the ass.

Pretty much all the people on Localbitcoins (and there really is not very many in Canada, less than 200 including people who have not logged on in a month), want you to use something like e-transfers, wire transfers, paypal, etc. Which are all not safe at all. Since one party can cry fraud and boom, you loose your money and they walk off with the bitcoins. Well obviously the best solution is to let your feedback/reputation dictate if your a scammer or not. I see this everywhere:

If your LocalBitcoins profile has less than 10 confirmed trades or at least 1 negative feedback then you must send/release Bitcoins first.

Unless you have a feedback rating of 10 or higher, coins will be sent to me first direct to my receiving address. If you have a feedback of 10 or higher then we may use the escrow system (although I will pay 0.5% more if you send it direct).

Because of our established credibility, if you have a feedback score below 10 we’ll require the BTC to be sent first, either directly to our receiving address or released via trade request.

emot-smugdog Fuck you pleb, escrow is only for us captains of the industry emot-smugdog

OKPay: Does Localbitcoins even know that OKPay does not allow people to use their service for selling crypto-currencies?

Please note that due to the card issuer bank restrictions OKPAY Card order and funding becomes impossible if you perform operations related with crypto-currencies or crypto-currencies exchange.

Our financial provider for GBP bank transfers restricts further usage of funds for purchasing or exchanging crypto-currencies.


If you look around there is some nice whining from people that OKPay has cancelled and closed their accounts for selling bitcoins. But you know, its “low risk”.

Perfect Money: A virtual wallet service, that nobody seems to use. You need to make an account, get verified, get the money into your account, then wait 3-5 days for the transaction to be approved they also apparently do not allow you to withdraw all your money in one shot and you must keep a minimum balance of 300$ at all times. Also from what i can gather the only way to send money is by sending someone an e-voucher. There is no way to verify the value of an e-voucher, nor is there a way to reverse it. So of course this means that all the buyers want you to send them the bitcoins first then they will send you the voucher and not disappear. Apparently only 3 people on localbitcoins is willing to use this method.

Ego Pay: Some sort of virtual online wallet service. Requires you to become verified to withdraw money from there. Also there is some really sketchy stuff in their terms and conditions:

EgoPay reserves the right to terminate accounts that act as unauthorized e-currency exchangers and all of the related accounts.

Would selling bitcoin count as an e-currency exchanger? I don’t know i can’t find a single post about someone using EGOPay. However the single most stupid thing about Ego Pay is:

EgoPay account holders can withdraw funds from EgoPay by using Payza or e-currency exchangers. Times to complete a withdrawal may vary due to security reasons, please visit our FAQ for current information.

So let me get this straight, Ego Pay doesn’t even let you withdraw money to your bank account. You need to withdraw it to another FUCKING SITE? Don’t forget no fees*(only 2.5% for deposit/withdrawal).

So? Bitcoin -> Localbitcoins -> Ego Pay -> Payza -> Bank -> Fiat


Western Union: Aside from the fact that all of the buyers expect you to be responsible for 7% fee even though they are already paying you much less than the “actual” price (aka whatever exchange has the highest price, bitcoiners claim thats the value of bitcoins). There are only 38 users willing to buy, and only 18 of them have logged into localbitcoins in the last 7 days. Furthermore, some of the buyers will not deal with you for western union UNLESS you send them the coins FIRST. Aka no escrow.

Unless you have a feedback rating of 10 or higher, coins will be sent to me first direct to my receiving address. If you have a feedback of 10 or higher then we may use the escrow system (although I will pay 0.5% more if you send it direct).

I am sorry i simply cannot trust people on localbitcoins when the entirety of their forum consists of users crying about getting scammed, by people who are supposed to be reputable. I love how bitcoiners dance between “DONT TRUST ANYONE”, to “trust me with your 20,000$ exchange, i swear i won’t scam you cause i have a whole 20 feedback”.

Don’t you guys see how great and simple these “low” risk methods are? Honestly buying and selling bitcoin has never been easier.

Clearly LocalBitcoins could benefit from BitcoinTalk’s big red “SCAMMER” tags. That way you’d know not to send your bitcoins directly to someone’s receiving address before they consider paying you real money for them.

35 comments - What do you think?
Posted by killhamster - January 6, 2014 at 8:00 am

Categories: Buttcoin, Crime, Editorial, Featured   Tags: , , , , ,

Easy like Sunday morning

When we last left our intrepid heroes, UberJumper and his nameless (and unlucky) friend, they were meeting random strangers in parking lots and banks, only to be offered sacks full of unactivated Amazon gift cards and rubber checks in exchange for their hoard of early adopter bitcoins. That was weeks ago, and today we’re going to catch up and see how successful they’ve been.

One suggestion that came up over and over again was that they register and confirm their identities with Canadian exchange site CaVirtEx, and cash out there, since Mt Gox has a waiting list that extends into 2015 and other sites are even sketchier. The Canadian Bitcoin ATM is located in another city and wouldn’t be able to handle the volume they’re exchanging. So they finally ended up verified and find themselves halted yet again:

This is awesome. My friend dumps 5 bitcoins on Virtex to sell. Then tries to cash out his monthly max of 3k, and his account is immediately flagged as suspicious and locked. emot-allears

It was then noted that CaVirtEx has excessively sensitive automated ban/warning systems.

We shall see how long it takes for them to respond to him. Considering it already takes a week apparently for them to send the money via wire transfer.

Someone explain to me how this is easier than paypal?

No one could provide an answer, and as time progressed, UberJumper’s frustration grew more and more apparent. Read more…

23 comments - What do you think?
Posted by killhamster - December 26, 2013 at 12:13 pm

Categories: Buttcoin, Editorial, Featured   Tags: , , , , ,

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