What horrible things would you be willing to do just to get some free “money?” Let’s find out!
“Bitcointip” is a bot written for reddit through which users can “tip” others by entering a sort of command in a comment reply. Agree with what someone says in your favorite misogynistic subreddit and clicking the little orange up arrow isn’t enough? Tip them for it!
This thing is obnoxious as all Hell for a number of reasons:
Bitcoiners are tightwads.
If one scans through the comment history of the bot, each response includes the amount of the “tip” in Bitcions and in USD. Most of these are fractions of Bitcoins and a pattern quickly becomes apparent: Bitcoiners are just throwing change at one another. This is like the world’s largest street corner, with hundreds of babbling, shouting lunatics spewing nonsense, empty coffee cups at their feet awaiting a “donation.”
It’s spammy as hell.
Instead of agreeing and possibly discussing things, Bitcoiners can just type “+bitcointip” along with some infinitesimal number and then the bot comes along to reply to them, informing the world that this person did in fact give a handful of pennies to another person in Internet play money. On a good (read: bad) day this can lead to a string of inane comments, making reddit an even worse place to be.
Trading cardboard cutouts of coins isn’t so bad as long as it’s kept in the basement of Bitcoin-related forums but Bitcoiners are hiding everywhere, trying to proselytize. Imagine, for a moment, that you read and participated in discussions at reddit (an awful proposition, but bear with me here.) You’re discussing a film or a funny picture or world news and say something others find insightful, funny, or any other number of slashdotesque adjectives. Most people would just upvote you and possibly agree, but Bitcoiners drive-by and spam “+bitciontip” and some penny amount. You don’t have a wallet. You don’t even know about Bitcoin. In an effort to understand what just happened, you read up on it a bit and find yourself staring into the abyss of a raging libertarian Hellscape. Fortunately you can just ignore it. Unfortunately if you do this, they get their “money” back.
They’re trying to spread it.
This is like the curse of Bitcoin. It can’t remain in its niche, it must spread and absolutely everyone in the world must know and be forced to use Bitcoin. There’s already one on twitter, and if they had their way, it would be all over Facebook, Pinterest, LinkedIn, and Google+ (not really, nobody actually uses g+.)
Yes, clearly. Aside from being tied to Bitcoin.
Let’s set aside some time today to get to know one of the outstanding members of the Bitcoin community a bit better. In the spotlight today is one johnniewalker, whose entrepreneurial spirit is an inspiration to all of us.
He introduces himself with the following:
I’m johnniewalker! I’m interested in conducting business in the marketplace section. I have a variety of goods I’m interested in and will have an ever-changing supply of goods to offer. Primarily (as you may have guessed by my name) I am interested in brewerania, rare alcohol, foreign alcohol, etc. If you are looking for anything along those lines, I’m your man! Nice to meet everyone
After this he goes about becoming part of the community, discussing whatever it is that Bitcoiners discuss. He doesn’t waste too much time though, getting down to business, offering Cuban rum, brass knuckles (never used!) cigars, and cans of pepper spray of questionable origin. This isn’t where johnniewalker shines though. You see, our intrepid friend here happens to be an amateur metallurgist, smelting his own silver ingots at home. In his back yard. on his patio covered with flammable things.
Our new friend johnniewalker wasn’t done there, however, and after this flameout, he returns to selling old coins, contraband, and random useless junk. He’s then struck with inspiration, and is buying Bitcoin-related domain names, then marking them up four to five times actual registration costs and selling them to suckers for their hard-”earned” digital currency:
“Warm wallet.” Eww. The mess of useless domains above is his newest plan to get rich, along with the (likely fake) Cuban cigars, pepper spray, Bitcoin bills, and lumpy chips of impure silver. He may seem like just another clueless, metal hoarding libertarian, but he’s on his way up Up UP! and you’ll definitely want to keep an eye on him as he takes the Bitcoin world by storm, or at least until he earns a “SCAMMER” tag on the forums and has to re-register to hide his shame.
ATTENTION: BUTTCOIN.ORG HAS STOLEN THE BITGEM
IT IS NOW THE BUTTGEM. WE WILL ONLY RELEASE IT FOR ONE MILLION COSBYCOINS, ASSOCIATION WITH KIM DOTCOM, AND ONE MOVIE THEATER SERVING 20 VARIETIES OF SODA AND SHOWING FAN-MADE EPISODES OF DISNEY’S “TALESPIN.”
IF YOU DO NOT MEET OUR DEMANDS, WE WILL DELETE THIS WALLET WITHOUT MAKING A BACKUP.
Following are dozens of quotes, mostly dredged from reddit and Bitcointalk.
- Sure, but it beats verifying all the transactions by hand like they did in the old days of quaint paper money, hahaha those poor bastards with their ”cash registers” and shillings and whatnot.
- I love this. People who try to make points like this against bitcoin don’t seem to realize how infantile cash and banking systems are in comparison.
- this is governments going OMG/WTF bitcoin is real–it’s a strong currency in the midst of our little currency war. All currencies are competing to devalue, simultaneously. BTC isn’t. This is like prohibition; as soon as inflation picks up, the masses will come.
- Using Xbox or PS3 to mine coins? Anybody tried this before? I know their GPU’s aren’t top of the line, but for people like me who don’t game much they could be going to much better use.
- I don’t think we are near the peak either. It’s fascinating to watch bitcoin grow, evolve and get its financial tentacles all over things.
A bitcoin user found the best use of his anonymous crypto-currency was to purchase medication from Craigslist. It went about as well as one can expect buying: nearly dead, lying on the floor in the bedroom of your studio apartment gasping for air and cursing the feds.
Buttcoin people are clumsy, fat nerds who have no business being around a computer, let alone trying to run 6 video cards in a pizza box. Luckily Bitcoin Mining Accidents is here to both mock and educate buttcoin miners.
Here’s a great annecdote:
miner ‘trentzb’ reports that after buying a pile of 120mm Delta fans, he left them teetering precariously on top of several four-card rigs. And they did not fare well there. Trentzb found that attempting to catch a spinning Delta fan results in finger cuts and broken fan blades. However, it took atleast three occurrences of these phenomenons know as ‘gravity’ and ‘fail’ before he learned to just let them fall. Try AirTran next time ??
Just fantastic. More here.