papamoi wants to mine bitcoins, and badly. In March he started asking around for info on some serious butt-mining hardware, looking for ASIC arrays and “super servers” that would feed his need for unbridled wastefulness. BFL wasn’t shipping, Avalon was only sending out orders in batches, and nobody else was producing comparable hardware, and his search had him running in unfulfilling circles until he found Liquid Nitrogen Overclocking.
Our story’s hero pestered the guys at Liquid Nitrogen Overclocking about building a custom mining server, and they responded that they could build him something that provided 1.7 terahashes of bitcoin-mining waste. Of course, he wanted proof, and they gave him the run-around several times, responding with jargon, claims of NDAs, and even appearing to confuse gigahashes with gigahertz. All the while papamoi has been scouring the BitcoinTalk forums for chips, PCB designers, and other high-performance hardware, to no avail.
Our intrepid hero was put off, but then the Liquid Nitrogen Overclocking team said the magic word: “Google.” Apparently Google has been buying “super servers” from Ed Trice in Philadelphia, instead of major, well-known manufacturers such as Dell, HP, or IBM. Lured in by the promise of amazing Google-caliber hardware, papamoi continued, and was surely happy to find that Google was totally cool with the fellows at Liquid Nitrogen selling some pubbie their exclusively designed servers.
In case you haven’t heard the news,
German Polish buttcoin exchange Bitcoin24 is no longer operating, due to “The Polish authority” closing their bank account in Poland.
Before we proceed, let’s take a moment to look at Bitcoin24′s long and untarnished history. Founded in May of 2012, Bitcoin24 was allegedly the largest buttcoin exchange in Europe, with only the mighty Mt. Gox surpassing it in terms of volume and profit. Apparently they also surpass the Magic: the Gathering Online Exchange in terms of utter incompetence and hilarity. Recently, people found the admins asking questions on StackOverflow about how MySQL works and how to round numbers when working with financial data.
This was followed by the site’s trading engine shitting the bed and started to give people more money or bitcoins than they deserved, like a faulty ATM spitting torrents of cash into the street. It then broke down even further, with trades randomly appearing and disappearing before the site’s functionality went down entirely.
A few days ago, the site made the above announcement, in even more broken English. Today, we find this PDF, outlining the following (thanks to SA forums goon Greyhawk for the translation):
Oh, boy. So first thing this is a very, very bad translation from Polish into German. Very bad. Half of it doesn’t even make sense.
But the gist of it is:
- The German prosecution knows everything there is to know about bitcoin-24 right from when they began operating. And I do mean everything. Current bank accounts, old bank accounts. Who the money was coming from, who it was going to. Everything. In total over 500000 Euro were transferred via these accounts mostly from Germany towards Poland, Romania and Bulgaria
- German prosecution sees bitcoin-24 as a massive money laundering operation and are proceeding against the owner
- German prosecution has evidence that the owner is involved in phishing attacks and is proceeding against him about that too. Apparently the owner was retarded enough to send the “pure profit” of those attacks to the polish bitcoin24 bank account.
Furthermore, we find that his home was raided and he is no longer free.
Meanwhile, MtGOX is suffering from yet another “DDoS” and having a slew of issues with banks and Bitfloor is gone again. Just another day in the life of the currency of the future!
To understand the phenomena surrounding the illustrious Bitcoin, one has to first understand the original cargo cults that sprang up in post-WWII Melanesia and similar Pacific islands. Essentially, Japanese and Allied soldiers were stationed on the island, bringing with them all manner of supplies, from food to clothes to vehicles and more, and shared a bit of these with the native islanders, who, due to a lack of missionaries present in a warzone, weren’t informed of the reason behind this sudden flurry of wealth.
After the war ended and forces withdrew, cults developed on the islands; leaders promised their followers a return of the wealth and benefactors. People imitated the now-gone soldiers in dress and behavior, and constructed elaborate life-size replicas of things such as planes, Jeeps, air traffic control towers, runways, and more. It was believed that these items and mimicking the troops’ drills and behavior would bring back the planes and materiel, and that the various forces who were stationed on the islands were related to either deities or ancestors, and used this power to bring great wealth.
Bitcoin operates in a similar fashion. Take, for example, institutions like the NYSE, NASDAQ, IPOs, and large banks. Buttcoiners see these systems and want their toy “currency” to function the same way, so they imitate these major economic forces in the most hilarious, ridiculous, and drama-filled ways possible. They see CEOs and CFOs and other C-level execs, and want to play businessman with their Internet money. As has been stated elsewhere:
They stand on their taped-together papier-mache mockup of Wall Street, waving cheap wallets and stock certificates written in crayon and charcoal, droning “buy low, sell high”, and they haven’t quite figured out why the world isn’t yet at their doorstep.
They’ll imitate and mimic these things, acting like they have companies and stocks, trading imaginary shares and abbreviating Bitcoin as “BTC.” One of them, now long branded with the scarlet letter “SCAMMER,” even set up a credit rating service, imitating S&P, and handing out ratings that resembled eBay feedback more than it did actual credit ratings. Bitcoiners essentially build replica airplanes and runways, hoping desperately to have their scrip recognized by the rest of the world that already has banking, stocks, and various other financial systems.
The Global Bitcoin Stock Exchange (LGBTQIA or something, just imagine you’re mumbling about buttcoins with a mouthful of marbles) was allegedly the first Bitcoin “securities exchange,” where buttcoiners would trade “shares” in their “companies” with each other, making “IPOs” for their mining pools, buttcoin casinos, and various other Bitcoin disasters. This, of course, was plagued with issues, the most prevalent and destructive being the “Pirate Pass Through,” which was a Ponzi scheme stacked on top of another Ponzi scheme and ended up collapsing a great many of these fake companies. GLBSE itself failed because governments don’t like unlicensed securites trading and its founder “Nefario” would have to comply with anti-money laundering and tax regulations, which are feared and reviled in the Bitcoin community, mostly because Bitcoins are secondarily used to dodge taxes and launder money in small amounts (their primary function is to purchase drugs and child pornography.)
Another “major” (and currently still active) trade site is MPEx, a site run by a smarmy egomaniac with a tendency to call everyone “idiots,” charges 30 buttcoins (currently around 800 USD) to join, posts juvenile, swear-filled blog posts and then has the audacity to charge to read them, and generally being offensive and shady. It doesn’t help at all that his “exchange” looks like it was coded in notepad and wouldn’t even look right on mid-90s GeoCities. This is a guy so obnoxious and self-centered that even redditors can’t stand him, but he repeats the right magic words: options, futures, stocks, bonds, and funds, and people inexplicably flock to his site and do “business,” passing meaningless numbers back and forth in a misguided attempt to make the numbers bigger and screw other users in the process.
In the “business” side of things, we have the ironic mining pools, in which Bitcoiners band together to create large, centralized operations to help generate and manage financial transactions… Moving on, these are prone to failure as well, especially the ones that like to advertise themselves as having stocks, IPOs, and other Wall Street-speak in an attempt to appear legitimate. Often they all “invest” in each other, leading to a string of “debts” that never get repaid. Ultimately this is all pointless, as again they’re repeating magic words back and forth: securities, stocks, bids, investments, shares, escrow, profit. None of it actually does anything, none of it goes anywhere, they’re trading chits because that’s what they’ve seen the real investors do.
The moral of the story is that no matter what you call the things you’re doing with Bitcoins, they’re still not real, they’re just an imitation of what real financial sectors do, an attempt to woo the gods and have their airplanes return to drop crates of precious cargo onto Bitcoin island and bring it riches. Instead of airdropped supplies though, all they get is various arguments on forums, IRC, and people stealing from each other. Bitcoin!
What horrible things would you be willing to do just to get some free “money?” Let’s find out!
Following are dozens of quotes, mostly dredged from reddit and Bitcointalk.
- Sure, but it beats verifying all the transactions by hand like they did in the old days of quaint paper money, hahaha those poor bastards with their ”cash registers” and shillings and whatnot.
- I love this. People who try to make points like this against bitcoin don’t seem to realize how infantile cash and banking systems are in comparison.
- this is governments going OMG/WTF bitcoin is real–it’s a strong currency in the midst of our little currency war. All currencies are competing to devalue, simultaneously. BTC isn’t. This is like prohibition; as soon as inflation picks up, the masses will come.
- Using Xbox or PS3 to mine coins? Anybody tried this before? I know their GPU’s aren’t top of the line, but for people like me who don’t game much they could be going to much better use.
- I don’t think we are near the peak either. It’s fascinating to watch bitcoin grow, evolve and get its financial tentacles all over things.
This is what happens when you call the scamming admin of BitcoinTalk a turd for promoting a ponzi scheme.
Remember kids, promoting and actively recruiting forum members into sketchy ponzi schemes until they collapse are fine as long as A) you get a heads up and can exit first before they collapse and B) you’re Theymos, the admin of the largest bitcoin community on the internet.
Has Bruce Wagner pulled off the biggest financial scam on the bitcoin community? UPDATE2 (A long fucking post.)
Bruce Wagner is the host of OnlyOneTV and the organizer of the Bitcoin Conference, and he’s a bit of a character. He seems to hate women and blames them for being victims of rape. He had vehemently advocated moving the bitcoin conference to Pattaya, Thailand, which just so happens to be the underage prostitution capitol of the world. Hell, he’s even posted about tips on how to pickup boys for sex.
But Bruce is also a convicted scammer and con man. He’s even fled the state and still owes thousands of dollars in outstanding debts and restitution. He’s had a mortgage fraud scheme backfire on him and been estimated to have stolen over a million dollars from people losing their homes in foreclosure.
And he may have pulled off one of the most successful scams on the bitcoin community.
Uh-oh, looks like all the buttcoin miners with hundreds of bitcoins and thousands of dollars trapped in Mt. Gox aren’t happy with the endless delays and the murmurs of them waiting until the weekend to close up shop, take take the money and run.
At least one guy is being pro-active about the sitution.
Looks like someone’s gonna get got.
Forums member c-rock can read between the lines though.
This is going to get real ugly real fast folks.