Computer viruses, but with Bitcoin!

SassmanBernankeWe’ve long known that arbitrary data can be embedded in the Bitcoin blockchain, starting with Dan Kaminsky‘s ASCII Ben Bernanke in his tribute to Len Sassaman. There are things such as verses from the Bible, links to deep web child pornography, and more, most of it garbage or harmless. However, every now and then someone decides to have a little bit of fun with the Bitcoin community.

The EICAR test file has been added to the blockchain, but it was sadly ineffective. Actual virus signatures, however, have turned out to be much more effective in prompting unsuspecting users’ computers to delete the blockchain. Truly, this is the currency of the future! Be your own bank, at least until your money is either stolen by malware or your infrastructure is removed by software that considers it malware!

 

4 comments
Posted by killhamster - May 16, 2014 at 9:28 am

Categories: Buttcoin, Captains of Industry   Tags: , , ,

Bitcoiner or cult leader?

While it’s fun (and accurate) to compare the Bitcoin community to a cult, how well can you, our loyal readers, tell the two apart? Inspired by this absurd post on Twitter, we started wondering.

Following are a selection of quotes, either from the leader of a dangerous (or harmless, in some cases) cult, or from a random bitcoiner who has been selected from a massive pool of dangerous sociopaths. See if you can figure out which is which without cheating via search engine:

1: You know, a long time ago being crazy meant something. Nowadays everybody’s crazy.

2: My whole life I have suffered from poverty and have faced many disappointments and pain, like a man is used to. That is why I want to make other people happy.

3: This is a warning that if any of you attempt to kill me, all you will do is prove my reality right. In which that moment I would gain supernatural abilities.

4: We have to relearn, reprogram our brains… the method to do so is to observe if the thought comes and analyze it and replace it then with a better one.

5: If many people listen to me, that’s not my choice, it is theirs and they make it because of how I speak, not despite of it.

6: Five times 10 times 17 is telling you a story

7: MAKE MONEY. MAKE MORE MONEY. MAKE OTHER PEOPLE PRODUCE SO AS TO MAKE MORE MONEY.

8: There is something to the Jewish lobby. They definitely wield large influence. They, like many others wield great power in the world.

9: The democratic world has come to a dead end; likewise, the communist world has come to a dead end.

10: Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing. Because in this case the cure is worse than the supposed disease.

11: We need a political organization to protect us and help us resist illegal governments.

12: Yes, we are in a transitional period and some of it might not be too pleasing to some, but to those who understand, it will be pleasing.

13: There is no direct profit for the church itself. But we have many prophets.

14: Okay, here’s an individual who says, “I will break away from the world.” Now breaking away from the world is not easy. It’s difficult. It’s tough.

15: Reason is man’s main means of survival. Force is bad because it is anti reason and therefore anti man.

16: Up to this point everything I had learned seemed ideological and somewhat abstract, but I felt the need to point out these truths to others.

After the break we’ll provide the answers. Read more…

13 comments
Posted by killhamster - May 8, 2014 at 12:41 pm

Categories: Buttcoin, Captains of Industry, Crime   Tags: , , ,

Buttcoin grab bag

Just an assortment of things we’ve collected over time.

MrZ9BO3

y4sSVGN

BYyiivi

qLMagjO

buttcoinbook

BLOCKCHAIN

01xW2RL

ufRVEP6

TKdOpq5

Exnt5AT

BitcoinEuphoria

BsYqpWJ

7BR5inP

marinetodd

fJy2BMN

BitcoinMadness

P3Vy2xA

6 comments
Posted by killhamster - May 1, 2014 at 12:29 pm

Categories: Buttcoin   Tags: , , ,

Bitcoin community spotlight: Logansryche

Few Bitcoin stories are as enduring and as entertaining as that of perpetual loser Logansryche, one of the least successful bitcoiners out there. From failed virtual businesses to failed real businesses to failed business ideas, he embodies the true spirit of Bitcoin.

He was well known for being one of the “best” ideas guys out there, starting with his past business experience: a now defunct Second Life animal shelter. He would take in abandoned virtual pets, virtually feed them, and find them new virtual homes with virtual owners. This ended predictably, with all the fake animals starving to death in Videoland. This somehow qualified him to run more advanced and profitable businesses, such as BitCard, his online gift card store, but with Bitcoin! BitCard, originally hosted on some shady free webhost, was to supply not only a wide array of retail gift cards, but collectible trading cards as well, such as rare (not actually rare) Pokémon cards, baseball cards, and of course, Magic: the Gathering cards.

Read more…

14 comments
Posted by killhamster - April 23, 2014 at 11:48 am

Categories: Buttcoin, Captains of Industry, Editorial   Tags: , , , , , ,

Bitcoin: the Musical

Some time ago we posted a collection of songs about Bitcoin, and they were all terrible. Thankfully, due to files being deleted and some sort of plugin misconfiguration, they’re no longer available. Unfortunately, SA Forums goon Paladinus dug up a bunch more for you to suffer through:

And then there’s this, which may or may not be from infamous burnout levitating rock festival planner dank:

 

6 comments
Posted by killhamster - April 15, 2014 at 11:01 am

Categories: Buttcoin, Crime   Tags: , , , , ,

Bitcoin Mining Rigs 4: The Return of 5870

I’ve ventured back in time for some of these computing horrors, but don’t fret; altcoin mining still provides us with new fire hazards and high power bills!

 

7 comments
Posted by killhamster - April 7, 2014 at 11:16 am

Categories: Buttcoin, Featured, Rigs   Tags: , , , , ,

Poetry, but with Bitcoin!

Today the Something Awful Forums goons reinterpret some of their favorite poetry to be all about Bitcoins and the results are somehow better than awful. Read on for some highlights:

Read more…

5 comments
Posted by killhamster - March 27, 2014 at 9:20 am

Categories: Buttcoin, Featured   Tags: , , ,

IRS rules on Bitcoin; This is actually news!

What do you get when you combine Bitcoin, the United States Internal Revenue Service, frothing-at-the-mouth freeman on the land types, tax evaders, clueless, wild-eyed speculators, and a bunch of teenagers? You get yesterday, when the IRS announced that it considers Bitcoin to be property, not legal tender, and will tax it as such.

What does this mean for Bitcoin? It means that in the coming months, or even just the next few weeks, things are guaranteed to continue being hilarious. Immediately after the announcement, bitcoiners scrambled to be the first to misinterpret it and shout “this is good for Bitcoin!” Of course, these were few and far between, since most of the Bitcoin community flew into a rage and decided that it just didn’t have to obey the law.

bittax1

Because this has worked so well in the past

Various sources have already begun analyzing and interpreting the ruling, and it’s packed full of hilarity. Mined coins are taxed at the exchange price at the time of the mining, Bitcoins are subject to capital gains taxes, requiring users to keep detailed records about buying and selling to properly calculate their taxes.

bittax3

Also known as the “TurboTax Rule”

Furthermore, we may finally see some transparency with regard to the inner workings of payment processors such as Coinbase or Bitpay, who seemingly remain solvent thanks to venture capital, but are speculated to have other less-savory dealings to continue operating. Many of us are curious about their sources of income, exchange, and other operating procedures and the IRS may well have forced them into showing the world just what they’re made of.

bittax4

I’m the offshore Bitcoin haven

This was all done three weeks before the annual personal tax deadline and applies to current, future, and, best of all, past Bitcoin purchases, profits, and losses.

bittax2

Allow me to introduce my new “0 0 0″ tax plan. What’s infrastructure?

Meanwhile, reddit is frantically trying to figure out if Bitcoin ATMs are vending machines now, if they can sue the US federal government, and what it costs to buy an island to start their own nation.

bittax5

Everyone involved with Bitcoin is going to end up in prison

bittax6

The IRS just totally broke this guy’s brain.

What can we conclude from all this? Bitcoin just got trolled hard by the IRS.

RIPbitcoin

For continuing updates and things to laugh at, please follow @buttcoin, @bitcoin_txt, and @shit_rbtc_says on twitter.

12 comments
Posted by killhamster - March 26, 2014 at 9:23 am

Categories: Buttcoin, Featured   Tags: , , , ,

Satoshi Nakamoto’s identity revealed

So Newsweek finally discovered who Satoshi is.

7 comments
Posted by killhamster - March 6, 2014 at 10:41 am

Categories: Buttcoin, Featured   Tags: , , ,

pirateat40: It became Bill Cosby coins

We here at Buttcoin have obtained newly filed paperwork (1, 2) in the SEC’s case against Trendon Shavers, AKA pirateat40, owner of the now-collapsed pyramid scheme Bitcoin Savings and Trust. Some highlights:

  • He’s been unemployed for 4 years. (Father of 10-ish year old twins)
  • He began his ponzi efforts informally starting in February of 2011 through IRC channels, with microloans that turned into larger loans
  • He said for the last 2 years he’s been “self employed in currency trading”. When asked what that meant, he said he used localbitcoins.com to arrange trades throughout Texas, always receiving cash for BTC.
  • At a bitcoin conference in Las Vegas in July 2012, he hit up a bunch of bitcoin bigwigs for investments in his ponzi. They invested a lot into him, and he names names. Burt Wagner is the only name [our source] recognized. But he netted a lot of whales at that thing.
  • Paraphrased question: Why did you take deposits in Vegas by paper transactions? “In Vegas I didn’t have access to a computer to be able to connect. Vegas’ network was horrible. So I told anybody that made deposits that I couldn’t verify on the server… I would pay them an additional percentage for those coins.”
  • One of the Vegas investors stiffed him with the paper transaction, withdrawing the amount before the blockchain confirmed his deposit.
  • He mentions that he had to change all of his passwords when bitcointalk got hacked: “It became Bill Cosby coins, a bunch of stuff got messed up, and everything went haywire, so they had everybody reset their passwords”
  • He says about 60 to 70 percent of his ponzi was invested in Bitcoinica, the rest he was daytrading or cashing out in-person through localbitcoin.com.
  • They seemed to spend like 30 minutes going around in a circle for pirate to explain that he used a large number of addresses to hide his transaction. Finally he had to spell it out: “It was to keep people from knowing exactly which large – I held most of the large bitcoin addresses on the internet. … they figured out a way to look through the blockchain to find out who has the most bitcoins. Well, for me, I needed a way to hide that.”
  • He had some big bet with a bitcointalk poster named Vandroidy. He bet 5000 that he wasn’t a ponzi, apparently this was a big public thing? He had a big plan to publicly “mess” with vandroidy and win the bet, but his plans fell through as his entire business collapsed and he was behind hundreds of thousands of BTC.
  • QUESTION: “Did you pay the 5000 bitcoin to Vandroidy?”
  • ANSWER: “Oh yeah”<pause>
  • QUESTION: “Why?”
  • ANSWER: “Because I had to secure the bet”
  • Shavers made an unsecured loan of 202,000 bitcoins to BTCST’s largest borrower, who promptly absconded with the funds.
  • Shavers admits the July 2, 2012 rate-change announcement on the Bitcoin Forum precipitated a “wave” of withdrawal requests from BTCST investors.
  • Pirate took in about 732,050 BTC.
  • He paid out about 551,231 BTC…
  • 150,649 BTC were transferred from the business wallet to Pirate’s personal accounts with… MT GOX! (deposition was taken in september, everything is silent as to the current status of the coins)
  • At least $150,000 was successfully withdrawn as cash for him to live on
  • The Fed is using curent exchange rates (3/3/14) to say investors were defrauded of $149 million

Screen Shot 2014-03-05 at 1.31.54 PM

Additional food for thought:

Shavers paired with someone called “Big One” and “Number Two” to source coins and interest payments to keep his ponzi (a ponzi within a ponzi) going but he talked about “Big One” manipulating the market. He was basically suggesting that the Mt. Gox crashes that we saw happening on Fridays were his doing and that he had control of so many coins that he would cause a drop in price and scoop them up at lower prices on Friday, sell on Monday and give 10% interest on the invested coins to pirateat40. pirateat40 would then take his investor’s bitcoins, hand them to Big One”, he would drop the price again and reap more interest and then pay it out

Both “Big One” and “Number Two” had access to his bitcointalk account and posted on his behalf too. Silent bitcoin ponzi partners.

And finally, the icing on this cake of hilarity:

 

pirateat40-destroyed

All admitted without legal counsel present, because Shavers considers himself a Freeman on the land, and therefore something something gold fringe berth certificate etc. He’s doomed.

Read more…

21 comments
Posted by killhamster - March 5, 2014 at 3:07 pm

Categories: Buttcoin, Captains of Industry, Crime, Featured, Scams   Tags: , , , , , ,

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