Tiny ATM Takes Your Money and Laughs at You
Bitcoiners can’t take a joke; get very, very mad at funny computer man.
Meet Patrick O’Rourke
He’s a tech “journalist” for Canada.com. I write “journalist” in quotations because it’s obvious he’s just a shill for the Fed, trying to spread FUD about the revolution known as Bitcoin.
You see, what our little narc friend here did was write a hit piece on bitcoins. A hit piece so scathing, so scandalous that it got Reddit in a a full on panty twist. Clocking in at a massive 250 words, this piece of filth got so much sand in Reddit’s collective vagina that they set out to destroy this very handsome and very very attractive man’s young career.
Categories: Buttcoin Tags:
Bitcoin Mining Rigs 2: Electric Boogaloo
Thanks to the enduring popularity of our last showcase of horrifying mining rigs and our recent interview with the Daily Dot, I’ve been inspired to go on another Mining Rig safari. Here are the most recent trophies:
Categories: Buttcoin Tags: bitcoin, fire hazard, mining rig
The Greatest Story Never Told
papamoi wants to mine bitcoins, and badly. In March he started asking around for info on some serious butt-mining hardware, looking for ASIC arrays and “super servers” that would feed his need for unbridled wastefulness. BFL wasn’t shipping, Avalon was only sending out orders in batches, and nobody else was producing comparable hardware, and his search had him running in unfulfilling circles until he found Liquid Nitrogen Overclocking.
Our story’s hero pestered the guys at Liquid Nitrogen Overclocking about building a custom mining server, and they responded that they could build him something that provided 1.7 terahashes of bitcoin-mining waste. Of course, he wanted proof, and they gave him the run-around several times, responding with jargon, claims of NDAs, and even appearing to confuse gigahashes with gigahertz. All the while papamoi has been scouring the BitcoinTalk forums for chips, PCB designers, and other high-performance hardware, to no avail.
Our intrepid hero was put off, but then the Liquid Nitrogen Overclocking team said the magic word: “Google.” Apparently Google has been buying “super servers” from Ed Trice in Philadelphia, instead of major, well-known manufacturers such as Dell, HP, or IBM. Lured in by the promise of amazing Google-caliber hardware, papamoi continued, and was surely happy to find that Google was totally cool with the fellows at Liquid Nitrogen selling some pubbie their exclusively designed servers.
Even Ron Paul hates bitcoins
In an interview with Bloomberg TV, former U.S. Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX) said that he is concerned about the “erraticness” of the dollar, that Bitcoin is too complicated and that gold is still the standard by which the value of our currency should be measured.
Erik Schatzker and Sara Eisen, hosts of the show “Inside Track” asked Paul whether he’s concerned about about the recent drop in the price of gold after a ten year boom.
The conversation ranged over the Consumer Price Index as an indicator of national economic health, as well as whether or not the country is currently facing a high or low level of inflation. With regards to the collapse of the Internet currency venture Bitcoin, Paul said he wasn’t interested.
“To tell you the truth, it’s little bit too complicated,” he said. “If I can’t put it in my pocket, I have some reservations about that. But it has been designed in the free market. If it is a means of exchange, it would not ever be illegal. You shouldn’t regulate it in the free market, but I do not think it fits the definition of money, which has been around for 6,000 years.”
What am I supposed to do with all the Ron Paul Bitcoin Checks now?
Hackers plan to turn your Bitcoin INTO A BOMB! Operation Shock and Awe to bring massive DDOS and price drops to Bitcoin exchanges.
A group of hackers is planning on a massive campaign to drop the price of Bitcoins for fun and profit.
According to a pastebin post, hackers are planning to unleash “Operation Shock and Awe”, a campaign to distribute negative news articles in conjunction with a massive sell-off and DDoS campaign on all bitcoin exchanges except one. Using this one remaining exchange, the plan is to buy up remaining coins for cheap, cheap, cheap and then profit when it goes up.
From the post:
These sound like scary dudes, I think we should be very afraid.
Bitcoin24 circles the drain
In case you haven’t heard the news, German Polish buttcoin exchange Bitcoin24 is no longer operating, due to “The Polish authority” closing their bank account in Poland.
Before we proceed, let’s take a moment to look at Bitcoin24′s long and untarnished history. Founded in May of 2012, Bitcoin24 was allegedly the largest buttcoin exchange in Europe, with only the mighty Mt. Gox surpassing it in terms of volume and profit. Apparently they also surpass the Magic: the Gathering Online Exchange in terms of utter incompetence and hilarity. Recently, people found the admins asking questions on StackOverflow about how MySQL works and how to round numbers when working with financial data.
This was followed by the site’s trading engine shitting the bed and started to give people more money or bitcoins than they deserved, like a faulty ATM spitting torrents of cash into the street. It then broke down even further, with trades randomly appearing and disappearing before the site’s functionality went down entirely.
A few days ago, the site made the above announcement, in even more broken English. Today, we find this PDF, outlining the following (thanks to SA forums goon Greyhawk for the translation):
Oh, boy. So first thing this is a very, very bad translation from Polish into German. Very bad. Half of it doesn’t even make sense.
But the gist of it is:
- The German prosecution knows everything there is to know about bitcoin-24 right from when they began operating. And I do mean everything. Current bank accounts, old bank accounts. Who the money was coming from, who it was going to. Everything. In total over 500000 Euro were transferred via these accounts mostly from Germany towards Poland, Romania and Bulgaria
- German prosecution sees bitcoin-24 as a massive money laundering operation and are proceeding against the owner
- German prosecution has evidence that the owner is involved in phishing attacks and is proceeding against him about that too. Apparently the owner was retarded enough to send the “pure profit” of those attacks to the polish bitcoin24 bank account.
Furthermore, we find that his home was raided and he is no longer free.
Meanwhile, MtGOX is suffering from yet another “DDoS” and having a slew of issues with banks and Bitfloor is gone again. Just another day in the life of the currency of the future!
OKCupid now taking Magic cards, …er Bitcoins, sorry.
Nerd-favorite dating site OKCupid is now accepting Bitcoins for whatever their A-List membership is. They’re using Coinbase to convert the coins into filthy fiat obviously because no one is dumb enough to accept Bitcoins directly. OKCupid chose to announce this momentous occasion by posting on Twitter and they did it the best way anything like this could be announced.
OkCupid will begin accepting Magic: the Gathering trading cards for our premium memberships beginning today @wizards_magic
— OkCupid (@okcupid) April 16, 2013
Wait, did we write Magic: the Gathering?We meant #bitcoin.Honest mistake. onforb.es/17jH7c3
— OkCupid (@okcupid) April 16, 2013
Maybe a slight nod to the fact that bitcoin’s largest business is a defunct Magic the Gathering trading card website? Or just an apt comparison for the usefulness of bitcoins?
The sound of Buttcoin
We’ve been so focused on the catastrophic crash of bitcoin that we’ve neglected to bring you some of the finest art that both the bitcoin and buttcoin worlds have to provide.
First, we bring you a labor of love from the SA forums:
Listen to Buttcoin
Be sure to check out the fantastic Cosby mode!
Now that we’re done with the good, on with the bad!
What really caused the 2013 bitcoin crash?
As everyone and their mother is aware of now, the price of bitcoins has fallen drastically, dragging the Winklevoss twins’ net worth down by over 20 million dirty dollars, destroying thousands of redditors’ “investments,” and crushing the hopes and dreams of FYGM libertarians everywhere. Since this obviously was not a speculative bubble and certainly didn’t pop because it was ridiculous, we’ll want to take a look at some of the forces that are actually at play here.
MtGOX and other smaller exchanges suffered from severe downtime and delays in trading as panic rippled through the streets and bitcoiners tried to withdraw their funds before their losses were too great. Now you may be tempted to say that these issues were due to being unprepared for the unprecedented popularity of bitcoin or that their infrastructure wasn’t suited to the unexpected rush of traffic. It could even be posited that the admins and coders were incompetent and clueless and had programmed the trading engines horribly. This couldn’t have been the case though, and instead we know for sure (because they told us and they’re absolutely trustworthy!) that every single exchange that was unreachable was being helplessly DDoSed by hundreds of thousands of anonymous hackers from notorious internet website 4chan in an attempt to both discredit Bitcoin and to drive down prices, allowing the miscreants to buy all the bitcoins at low prices before the rebound to million dollar bitcoins. Sadly, the attacks were unsuccessful and the mighty Mount Gox stands strong before us.
Some bitcoin enthusiasts have considered the logistics of launching satellites into orbit to maintain the bitcoin network and blockchain should the world economy collapse and cause a descent into anarchy. Those with access to the satellites would be able to continue mining and trading bitcoins, coming to rule over those who hadn’t planned so well. It could be that Avalon miners have surreptitiously been sent into space and slowly added to the network, their hashing throttled at the moment so as not to attract attention. Until Wednesday all was well until the notriously dangerous HAARP‘s energy was focused on these satellites, destroying the miners and destabilizing the currency, leading to the crash.
Meanwhile, the United States government has been attempting to destroy bitcoin as well, initiating their own DDoS attacks spearheaded by the CIA, launching packets from their headquarters in Langley, and the Department of Defense, using all five sides of the Pentagon to launch heretofore unprecedented attacks on bitcoin exchanges, bitcoin websites, bitcoin forums, and possibly even individual bitcoin users. Reports of imposing men dressed entirely in black suits attempting to intimidate and threaten bitcoin users have begun to trickle in. Unfortunately these reports are anonymous, as the affected users fear for their safety were they to go public.
We’ve also heard some rumors that the Freemasons are once more directly manipulating bitcoin prices, although to what extent and for what reasons we are unsure. They could be looking into colluding with the Illuminati/Bilderbergers to take control of Bitcoin while destroying the world economy and devaluing all other currencies with the ultimate goal of developing a one-world currency while ushering in the New World Order, eventually handing the planet over formally to the Reptoid aliens that have already infiltrated most of the world’s governments.
